I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
