kristin has been a bad kristin
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
