Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
