Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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