and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
