The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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