i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So many bounce houses so little time
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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