remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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