Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize