I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
