i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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