Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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