3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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