im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
