At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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