I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
