im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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