found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
