His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize