I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
