I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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