I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
