Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
