12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
not ubering you a puppy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
