Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
