I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize