my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
