Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
