return my video game
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
