Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
