I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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