I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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