Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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