Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
