im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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