Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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