I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
