I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
