So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
