Say something about gay babies.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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