Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
