So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
