I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
