Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
