You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
