lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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