Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She said her name was "party"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
