is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
