My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
