You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
