I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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