They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
