I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
