Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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