driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
