It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ttyl tear gas
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
