I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize