how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
