it hurts more in the daytime
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
