Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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