he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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