waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Piatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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