The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
