ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
