you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
