Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
