It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
