all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
