That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
