If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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