WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
