Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
