he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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