I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize