So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
