hotel room ftw
Will you blow on my dice?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
