There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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