she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
