But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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