just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
