oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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