Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize