I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
