just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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