I could make wine with my vomit
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
