Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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