I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
