Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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