i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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