Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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