wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
