We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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