I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
