There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
