office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
