There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
