is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
