you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
