we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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