Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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