please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
