she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
