And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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