We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
