You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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