god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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