I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
