College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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