my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
