i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
