guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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