Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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