took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
