Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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