Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
