That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize