At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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