You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We smell like vodka and hangover
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