We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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